Wordplays – Page 2

Thoughts and Sayings (January 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings that I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in December. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. I would have more time if life were measured in teraseconds.

2. I asked Santa for an iPhone 4S, but all he gave me was an apple. I’m trying to figure out where the communication breakdown occurred.

3. Muscle is fickle; fat sticks around forever.

4. Fight for your right; on the other hand, appreciate what’s left.

5. There’s no one else above you unless an airplane is flying over.

6. Somewhere on the way to the mall and the post office, Christmas went from being a holiday celebration to an annual ritual.

7. Failure isn’t an option, but crying is.

8. A trail lawyer is someone who’s lost in the wilderness but litigates a new path.

9. Savor fashion by tasting it.

10. You leave me breathless every time we climb together to new heights.

11. Virtually every media site publishes their “Best of 2011” lists weeks before the year ends. Poor December is left out in the cold.

12. A Chinese wife told her husband that she loved him as far as East is from West; her American husband said that he loved her as far as West is from East.

13. Those who complain of squished grapes are merely wining.

14. The in-laws have landed.

15. Being an armchair quarterback does not make you ready to throw a touchdown.

16. Modern life has advanced so fast that we can hardly keep up.

17. Some kids collect sports cards. Mine collects credit cards.

18. Let’s see if we’re going to see some sights.

19. When the stock market goes up, my blood pressure goes down.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (December 2011)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in November. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Enjoy!

1. Let your light shine, but don’t be a klieg light.

2. A Monday in the office is better than a day in the grave.

3. The only turkey I want over for Thanksgiving should be on my dinner table.

4. Do you spend more time…or money?

5. I enjoy having you around but prefer you a-flat.

6. Like a knife, are you on the cutting edge or flat and dull?

7. Don’t fiddle around with playing someone like a fiddle.

8. You can put the Dole on a banana, but you can’t put a banana on the dole.

9. Why die for something when you can live for something else?

10. Don’t let the messenger shoot!

11. Although you may get better with age like fine wine, a bottle of wine will spoil if you open it.

12. It’s like two birds killing me with one stone.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (November 2011)

I’ve been doing some tweeting on Twitter to figure out how to use the site. Until recently Twitter was a big mystery to me, but I’m slowly figuring out the tweeting “game.” As far as I can tell, Twitter is essentially a race to win as many followers as possible so that when you have something important to say, you can broadcast it and get the word out to hundreds or thousands of people. Unless you have something really profound to say, like eyewitness reports of major events, it can be hard work getting noticed amid all the tweets. After the umpteenth offer for a free credit report or miracle cure, tweeting starts to lose its luster.

To get the balling rolling on Twitter, I started posting random thoughts and sayings. To my knowledge, I came up with them. Many are puns or wordplays with some kernel of wisdom or wit. I’ll post new ones from time to time. For now, enjoy the first batch.

1. Why does the dentist, after poking and prodding your mouth with a sharp tool, scold you when they draw blood?

2. The most common type of ship is friendship, but an increasingly rare kind is a dictatorship.

3. I am somewhere between 1 and 99 percent, but I’m still figuring out how to Occupy my time.

4. If the chemistry and biology are good, sociology is sure to follow.

5. Your body is a temple, not a stadium.

6. Worrying will not add an hour to your life, but exercise can.

7. If some are followers and some are following, who is leading?

8. Editors should help writers find their voice rather than inserting theirs.

9. If a cat has nine lives, how many lives does a big cat have?

10. Don’t get even. Get even better.

11. It’s hard to fit in when everyone is so different.

12. “Fried!” I said to the chicken.

13. Reach for the sky, because if you shoot for the moon you might see stars.