Wordplays

Thoughts & Sayings (June 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in May. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

1. Traveling is always one trip forward and two setbacks.

2. Behind every good gadget is a processor.

3. When mining for knowledge, it’s important to filter the gems from the slag.

4. The distance between ahead and behind is half a body’s length.

5. Think twice about bullying someone. They may be your future boss.

6. My weight has held me captive for so long that I feel like going on a hunger strike.

7. Is it better to be sharp, well-rounded, or a square?

Twisted Words

8. Transfarmers: Robots that turn into domesticated animals and agricultural equipment.

9. You can cross your eyes, but can you dot your T’s?

10. Sometimes I crack myself up. I really have to stop egging myself on.

11. I’m a fruit, and you’re nuts. Let’s make trail mix.

In Its Own Write

12. When you’re a writer, the work never stops. You have to decide when to stop working.

13. Make every word count. Enroll them in a math course.

Holidays & Events

14. April showers May bring flowers.

15. Overheard on the radio: “May Day! May Day! We’re going down…to occupy the park!”

16. This Cinco de Mayo, try not to eat at a French restaurant.

17. A haiku. Mother, mom, and friend. Today honors you all year. No one else but you.

18. Beware, beware, the Ides of May! Oh, wait. Never mind. Caesar has passed.

19. Perhaps the movie “Men In Black 3” starring Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin should been have called “No Country for Old Men in Black.”

20. “Snow White and the Huntsman”: Bella Swan and Thor team up to fight the evil Meredith Vickers on the Prometheus.

Random Musings

21. I’m trying to see what’s happening on the other side of the world, but the horizon is blocking the view.

22. It’s bad luck to throw salt into your coffee.

23. Today I made coffee with sugar instead of salt. It’s going to be a better day. I can feel it. Less bloating.

24. How in the world do I feel tired when you’re just getting started? I must have my days and nights turned around.

25. Get 10,000 Twitter followers in minutes! Be a celebrity. Double it! Tweet crazy stuff too. Triple it! Get in trouble for tweeting crazy stuff.

26. In our 140-character world, wouldn’t it be easier to greet people with acronyms instead of salutations? GM. HRU2day? HAGD.

27. A few years ago I received e-mails from friends. Now my inbox is filled with messages from my pals Facebook and Twitter.

28. My son is a really good back-seat driver. It’s too bad that he doesn’t know how to drive.

M.G. Edwards is a writer of books and stories in the mystery, thriller and science fiction-fantasy genres. He also writes travel adventures. He is author of Kilimanjaro: One Man’s Quest to Go Over the Hill, a non-fiction account of his attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, Africa’s highest mountain. His collection of short stories called Real Dreams: Thirty Years of Short Stories available as an e-book and in print on Amazon.com. He lives in Bangkok, Thailand with his wife Jing and son Alex.

For more books or stories by M.G. Edwards, visit his web site at www.mgedwards.com or his blog, World Adventurers. Contact him at me@mgedwards.com, on Facebook, on Google+, or @m_g_edwards on Twitter.

Thoughts and Sayings (March 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in February. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. I have a hangover from a heavy bout of writing and imbibing the fruits of my labor.

2. “Passive aggressive” is how an aggressive individual describes a passive person who has finally had enough of them.

3. From morning to evening I toil, and from evening to morning I rest. Ne’er shall the twain meet unless fate takes away the rest.

4. Whenever I burn the midnight oil, all I have left the next day are fumes.

5. Fascinating Oscar tidbit: No one named Oscar has ever won an Oscar.

6. Don’t bite the hand that doesn’t feed you either.

7. Oh how I hate to get up in the morning, oh how I hate to get out of bed. I think I’ll pretend it’s evening instead.

8. I dropped a bombshell, but it was a dud.

9. Why climb a mountain when you can level it?

10. Mornings are like dreams. Sometimes you never want them to end, and sometimes they’re simply nightmares.

11. If lettuce has a head, where’s the body?

12. A hippopotamus that criticizes another is being hippocritical.

13. I hired myself to manage my personal affairs. The pay is lousy, but I have a great boss.

14. I fired myself from managing my own affairs. I was taking the job too personally.

15. I’m exhausted. That’s great if you’re a muffler, but not if you’re a snorer.

16. I can’t understand why real life keeps me from spending time online with my imaginary friends.

17. That sound bite took a chunk out of my ear.

18. Facebook should let you friend yourself and Twitter should let you follow yourself so you can receive updates on how you’re doing.

19. A romantic ditty to tell your loved one on Valentine’s Day: “Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing.”

20. Love is patient, love is kind, but you better buy red roses or you’re going to be in a heap of trouble.

21. Somebody should write a book called “A Pair of Normal Bromances” about some average Frankenstein’s Monsters who share a strong fraternal bond.

22. Saying something when everyone is asleep is a great way to be heard. It’s just too bad no one is around to listen to what you have to say.

23. I try to embrace my differences, but they’re always arguing with each other. Most of the time I have to separate them.

24. I rid myself of the negative energy but now have none left.

25. It’s more fun to be the younger sibling when you get older.

26. I wonder what my mind is thinking right now.

27. The Squat Heard ‘Round the World – The New York Giants beat the New England Patriots in the Superbowl by an unwanted touchdown.

28. The world’s going to hell in a hand basket but doesn’t have enough material to finish weaving it.

29. I’m so far behind that it’s going to take me awhile to get less farther behind.

30. Does Punxsutawney Phil make you want to run and hide or leave you scared of your own shadow?

31. The slash and burn method works whenever you have piles of work to do and they’re all hot.

32. Light can’t travel. It doesn’t have suitcases or a passport.

33. I just got back from a bike ride. It gave me a chance to catch up with my thoughts. Walking was too slow.

34. Rovio should partner with Warner Bros. to produce a game called “Tweety Birds” where angry yellow birds pelt Sylvester the Cat with 140 character tweets.

35. “Name the Wat” is a fun game to play in Thailand where you nickname a temple, or “wat,” whenever you see one. My favorite temples are “Wat Dowedonow” and “Wat Areyoudoin.”

36. If a movie is boring, here’s a trick to make it more interesting. Pick one character and count how many times they do one thing on screen. Sarah Jessica Parker brushed aside her hair no less than 16 times (not counting scratching head lice) in “I Don’t Know How She Does It.” Watching her was very entertaining.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (February 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings that I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in January. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. While a constitutional sounds painful, it’s a great way to get the ideas out and the thoughts flowing.

2. In Asia, it’s okay to impose on someone but rude not to accommodate. In the West, it’s rude to impose on someone and okay not to accommodate.

3. I’m on a liquid diet to turn my keg-sized stomach into six-pack abs.

4. My son plays on the computer so much that it makes me want to screen.

5. When I was younger, I didn’t want to go to sleep because I wasn’t tired. Now that I’m older, I’m tired but won’t go to sleep.

6. I’m taking a social media break to write a book. What a novel concept.

7. Being the short one in a relationship does not make you less of a person.

8. I try to catch inspiration whenever it crosses my mind, but it is much too fleeting.

9. I ran into Trouble. He said to tell you hello.

10. I can’t keep my id from fighting with my ego and superego. It must be cerebral rivalry.

11. A loser wins when a winner loses.

12. The automated prayer request program has malfunctioned. You’re going to have to do it manually.

13. Wine is fine but puts me down every time.

14. You can’t put me in a box because my head is too big.

15. If you pay for something in Thailand, you baht it.

16. I think my brain power can be used as an energy-saving device.

17. I exercise before dinner to make room for more calories.

18. I’m preparing to render my treasure unto Caesar. Too bad Caesar doesn’t accept payment in moth and rust.

19. Measure as many times as it takes to get a consensus and then cut. If no agreement is reached, let it rot.

20. Fair is a four-letter word.

21. If you lose something profound, does it become prolost?

22. These thoughts and sayings may be insightful or inciteful depending on your disposition.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.