Thoughts & Sayings (July 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in June. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

1. Whenever life seems to have no purpose, I lecture it about getting motivated.

2. Happy Monday! I don’t know why I’m happy to start a work week, but I wish it would stop.

3. Being flawed is a prerequisite to being appreciated for something you’ve done well.

circuitbreaker4. The word “momentum” begins with a flash and ends with a pause.

5. If only life had a breaker panel where you could flip a switch when you’re overloaded and ready to short circuit.

6. Friends come and go. Sometimes I wish they would sit and stay for a while.

Twisted Words

7. Why does the word “Saturday” begin with “sat” when most people are out and about enjoying the weekend?

scent8. The world doesn’t owe you a scent. You have to excrete it yourself.

9. A round dog with a tough exterior but a soft demeanor is a melon collie.

10. I don’t know what on Earth is going on. Thank heavens I’m well-grounded because I’m feeling spacy.

Holidays & Events

11. May annoys June because she always finishes first and is much too flowery.

12. It’s ironic that Father’s Day falls on a Sonday.

13. The financial markets are bloated because they digested too much Greece.

14. Rumor has it that the sequel to the movie Prometheus will be called “Icarus” and will feature a group of scientists searching for the origin of mankind that discovers that humanity was actually created by a violent, warlike group of human beings. Word has it that the film will be set on Earth.

icarus

Random Musings

15. A week is an artificial construct. Thank goodness someone invented weekends.

16. At this moment, millions of people are spending quality time with their tech gadgets.

17. The drawback to multitasking is that you can only finish one task at a time.

18. It’s been so long since statesmen ran our country that no one’s bothered to make the word gender neutral.

19. I drive faster in America because I use kilometers.

20. One of the most difficult travel decisions is deciding whether to consume or throw out perishable food before leaving on a trip.

21. Do Slovaks write Czechs?

prague

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

buythumbM.G. Edwards is a writer of books and stories in the mystery, thriller and science fiction-fantasy genres. He also writes travel adventures. He is author of Kilimanjaro: One Man’s Quest to Go Over the Hill, a non-fiction account of his attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, Africa’s highest mountain and a collection of short stories called Real Dreams: Thirty Years of Short Stories. His books are available as an e-book and in print on Amazon.com and other booksellers. He lives in Bangkok, Thailand with his wife Jing and son Alex.

For more books or stories by M.G. Edwards, visit his web site at www.mgedwards.com or his blog, World Adventurers. Contact him at me@mgedwards.com, on Facebook, on Google+, or @m_g_edwards on Twitter.

© 2012 Brilliance Press. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted without the written consent of the author.

Checking in Again

Dear Reader, I was away in July for awhile.  My family and I traveled to Rio de Janeiro and Manaus (in the Amazon Basin), Brazil for a little over a week.  Work has also been ridiculously busy.  I’ve been working something like 70 hours per week now.  I made a conscious effort to slow down this weekend and breathe a little bit.  One of my goals was to go through all the photos I took on our Brazil trip and post some here for your to view, but I didn’t have time (as usual).  I thought I would write a bit tonight and get to work tomorrow or as soon as possible.  More to come…

Straight from the Headlines (2005 Edition)

Al Jazeera in Talks to Purchase ‘The Onion’

Doha, Qatar (RFN) – Arab network seeks to expand U.S. presence by purchasing popular U.S. news source ahead of highly anticipated IPO

Qatar-based Al Jazeera is in negotiations to purchase a majority stake in The Onion, a popular U.S. news source.  Al Jazeera spokesman Jihad Ballout refused to confirm the network’s interest in purchasing the media company, citing regulatory concerns in advance of its upcoming initial public offering.

The company is interested in establishing an international media presence.  It has also been in talks with London-based The Guardian to purchase a minority stake.  The Onion, a weekly news publication read by millions in print and online, is one of the most popular news sources among 18-35 year olds in the U.S.   Sources indicated that two companies are in the advance stage of negotiation, although negotiations in recent days have been delayed by disagreement over whether ‘The Onion’ would keep its name or change it to ‘Al Onion.’

Guantanamo Bay’s Tourism Industry Suffers from Prisoner Abuse Scandal

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (RFN) – Tourism to Guantanamo Bay down 63% in 2004 due to allegations of prison abuse

Officials at Guantanamo Bay confirmed that recent prisoner abuse scandals have significantly depressed tourism in the U.S. enclave.  Tourism had been robust in recent years as hundreds of Americans and other visitors visited the small site in southeast Cuba.  Tourism increased with the launch of Guantanamo Bay’s “See the Other Cuba” marketing campaign in 2003 and the increasing popularity of the site’s “Naval Reservation Boundary” tour.  In 2003 344 tourists visited Guantanamo Bay.  By 2004 tourism dropped to just 217, a decrease of 63%.  Officials believe that tourism may recover to its previous level once the scandals have been resolved.

Korean Star May End Film Career

Seoul (RFN) – Popular Korean film star Bae Yong Jun may end his film career to concentrate on other endeavors

Korean film star Bae Yong Jun, affectionately known as ‘Yonsama’ and ‘BYJ’ to his legions of fans, may be filming his last film.  The star of the popular “Winter Sonata” drama series is currently filming the highly anticipated film, “April Snow.”  When asked by reporters about his future plans, the star responded, “I’m not sure.  I might try telemarketing.  People say I have a great voice for it.”

Fans worldwide were shocked and dismayed by the revelation that Bae might leave acting.  Distraught Yonsama fan, Yuri Kurasawa of Fukuoka said, “I don’t know what I’ll do if Yonsama retires.  They can have Dokto [Islands]—just let us have Yonsama!”

“I love BYJ.  Where will he work?  I want to call him!” asked Kim Haejin of Seoul.

Bae’s “Winter Sonata” series contributed over $1.1 billion in Korean-Japanese trade in 2004 and has become a popular contraband item in North Korea.

‘Star Wars’ Shocker:  Anakin Skywalker’s Father Revealed

Skywalker Ranch (RFN) – The third and final installment in the ‘Star Wars’ saga opening May 19 reveals that Senator Palpatine is Darth Vader’s father

Director George Lucas has been mum on the subject, but unidentified sources close to the filming of “Revenge of the Sith” confirm that the character of Senator Palpatine, also known as Darth Sidious, is Anakin Skywalker’s father by birth.  Skywalker, better known as Darth Vader, has long been associated with immaculate conception by his mother.  Because fans reacted favorably to the revelation that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father in the movie “The Empire Strikes Back,” Lucas decided to use the same strategy in filming his latest installment in the saga.

“We needed to do well with this film because the last two did so poorly.  We believe this will help bring back the magic of the first three films.  George [Lucas] still regrets writing Jar Jar Binks into the script,” the source confirmed.  “If we throw in Chewbacca, Luke and Leia, why not make Palpatine his dad?  We’re still trying to figure out how to write Han Solo as a baby into the script.”

ACLU Seeks an End to April Fool’s Day

Los Angeles (RFN) – The American Civil Liberties Union, citing possible civil rights violations on April Fool’s Day, plan lawsuits to end practical jokes

The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it welcomes anyone who believes they are a potential victim of April Fool’s Day to contact the civil rights organization.  The ACLU will prepare cases for eligible claims in an effort to stamp out the common household and office practice.  If you believe you have wrongly duped by an April Fool’s Day joke and seek redress, contact the ACLU at 968-3665 (YOU-FOOL).

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