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Thoughts and Sayings (April 2012)

thinker

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in March. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

1. When you overestimate your abilities, you end up feeling shortchanged.

2. I’m swimming in the sea of life when I’d rather be on the shore sipping on a drink and watching the sunset.

3. I’m writing my pièce de résistance. I’ve struggled with it for so long that it will never stop fighting with me.

4. I’m determined to get something done today. Does drinking coffee count?

5. The tongue is mightier than the pen.

6. Seize the day! If you do, be prepared for a struggle.

7. If your dream has become a nightmare, it’s time for a new one.

8. The best way to attract real friends is to be real.

Twisted Words

9. Why can’t “good afternoon” be “good beforeevening“?

10. Says the cream puff to the chocolate éclair: “Wow, this place is desserted.”

11. Warning: Ultraviolent rays have the ability to kill you.

12. Aerodramatic: The art of crying at the speed of flight.

13. I’m not sure if I’m more sardonic or sarcastic. Perhaps sardoncastic.

14. Don’t take wood for granite.

15. Overheard at a meeting of contortionists: “Be flexible!”

16. Never suggest a health condition is grave to someone who is terminally ill.

Holidays & Events

17. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Since you’re in the green, I get the gold.

18. Beware the Ides of March,” said the soothsayer to Julius Caesar. His English was impeccable.

19. Beware, beware the Ides of March! Psst…what’s an ‘Ides’?

20. Heading into Super Tuesday, the polls showed that the new iPad is leading by a wide margin.

21. Happy Cinco de Marzo! Oh, wait, sorry. I’ll be back in a couple of months.

22. I forgot that yesterday was Leap Year and marched right past it.

Random Musings

23. European chocolates are delicious but too delectable to eat like candy.

24. Why aren’t there any books with the opening sentence, “It was a bright and calm morning?”

25. A guy walks into a bar. It was metal. It hurt.

26. My bed is calling. For some reason, it’s saying, “You have reached a non-working number. Please hang up and try again.”

27. Thank you for paying attention to me. However, my medium of exchange is cash.

28. You have reached a real person. If you feel you’ve reached me in error and prefer an automated system, contact 800-SPAM-BOT.

29. When food is revolting, does it rebel against you?

Intra-galactic Sophomoric Humor

30.  Uranus is the most joked about planet in the solar system.

31.  Earth stands between Mars and Venus to keep them from fighting.

32.  The moon always moons the earth at night so that it won’t get caught.

33.  The planetoid Makemake has a satellite called “Dodo.”

 

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

O Sunscreen, Where Art Thou?

Dear Reader, we returned to Shanghai early this morning.  When I told colleagues we had spent the weekend in Xi’an, they were aghast.  A visit to Xi’an usually lasts three-to-four days, not a short weekend.  We had a fabulous time there.  Our trip within a trip ended without any major incidents, although our schedule was somewhat compact.  I will write more about our Xi’an trip soon, because unfortunately I have very little time to blog today.

This trip reminded me of something that happens without fail during travel–packing the right items is a very challenging endeavor.  Have you ever traveled and left behind something important?  Have you ever lugged around something that you thought you needed and didn’t need after all?  We thought the weather in Xi’an would be cool, so I packed a sweatshirt.  It’s April, and central China can be cold in the springtime.  My sweatshirt ended up sitting in the suitcase during the entire trip, unused, taking up valuable space.  I should have left it behind!  On the other hand, I forgot my sunglasses and sunscreen.  I didn’t bring either item with me from Seoul, and both would have come in handy.  The weather was spectacular, and on Sunday when we visited the tomb of Emperor Qin Shi Huang and his army of terra cotta, my skin turned from suntanned to sunburned.  Fortunately, the burn isn’t bad, and in a day or so it will fade into a nice suntan.  In the meantime, I will wear my sunburn as a trophy from Xi’an until it disappears.  If I had left my sweatshirt behind and replaced it with sunscreen and sunglasses, I would have had more room in my luggage.  You just never know what you’ll need when you travel.