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Thoughts & Sayings (August 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in July. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

  1. I’ve worked out the perfect system for getting everything done. Unfortunately, it’s prone to break down when a wrench gets thrown into it. gears
  2. Destiny is 1/4 chance and 3/4 preparation.
  3. Is it just me, or am I still who I am?
  4. Whoever put the cat in the bag really should let it out.
  5. If you are trapped in convention, you will always be conventional.
  6. Did you miss me? I didn’t. I’ve been with me the whole time.

Twisted Words

  1. stopIf you’re bored, what wood you do?
  2. It is better to be pronounced than verbose.
  3. Speaking of witch, a which can’t spell.
  4. When people ask me my sign, I usually answer, “Stop.”
  5. I do things by the seat of my pants. Sometimes I wish my jeans would quit taking so many risks.
  6. A police chef is the officer in charge of preparing the food.

Holidays & Events

  1. Perhaps the mascot of this year’s Summer Olympics in London should be “Sunshine.”
  2. Happy July 4th + 10! Thank goodness I enjoy the freedom to wish you a belated happy American Independence Day on Bastille Day.
  3. cameraGotham, Wisconsin looks nothing like it’s portrayed in the “Batman” movies.
  4. Word has it that the sequel to Pixar’s animated film “Brave” will be called “Even Braver.”
  5. Rumor has it that in the sequel to “The Amazing Spider-Man,” Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire will duke it out over whose girlfriend, Gwen Stacy or Mary Jane Watson, is more awesome.

Random Musings

  1. Every place in the world looks like someplace else.
  2. Spotted at the Customer Service counter of a major retailer: “Many happy returns.”
  3. I’ve thought about being a stand-up comedian, but I prefer to sit down.
  4. Why do subtitles say “English for the Hearing Impaired” when every other language is listed by name only?
  5. One literary benefit of Twitter is that it teaches one to be succinct.
  6. I can get 50,000 Twitter followers in 2 minutes! Ask me how, but please don’t expect an answer.
  7. twitterFollow me and get 5,000 Twitter followers instantly! Never mind that I only have 3,000. You can borrow some if you’d like.
  8. Prolific tweeter seeks tweeters for long-term follow on Twitter. Must tweet good content. If interested, press the “Follow” button.

In Its Own Write

26. I probably should write something now. “Something.” There, that should do it.

writing

Images courtesy of Microsoft and Twitter.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

buythumbM.G. Edwards is a writer of books and stories in the mystery, thriller and science fiction-fantasy genres. He also writes travel adventures. He is author of Kilimanjaro: One Man’s Quest to Go Over the Hill, a non-fiction account of his attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, Africa’s highest mountain and a collection of short stories called Real Dreams: Thirty Years of Short Stories. His books are available as an e-book and in print on Amazon.com and other booksellers. He lives in Bangkok, Thailand with his wife Jing and son Alex.

For more books or stories by M.G. Edwards, visit his web site at www.mgedwards.com or his blog, World Adventurers. Contact him at me@mgedwards.com, on Facebook, on Google+, or @m_g_edwards on Twitter.

© 2012 Brilliance Press. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted without the written consent of the author.

A Rant Against China Eastern Airlines

…and a Rave for Shanghai Airlines

On Friday, April 21 my family and I left Shanghai for Xi’an.  We went by bus from central Shanghai to Pudong International Airport and arrived at 6:30 p.m. in time for our 8 p.m. China Eastern Airlines flight.  At 7:30 p.m. we arrived at the gate and waited for the boarding call.  The flight was delayed due to a freakish thunder storm.  We waited almost one hour to board, standing in line with hundreds of other passengers.  The flight was full.  At about 9 p.m. we were ushered into the plane.  The weak announcement overhead periodically announced that we had to wait for other airplanes to depart.  At midnight, our flight finally departed.

Waiting three hours for a flight is bearable, but China Eastern Airlines mismanaged the flight.  As China’s second largest airline, I expected better service.  The boarding was chaotic, and once we were seated, we were subjected to poor circulation and high temperatures induced by warm bodies cramped in a parked airplane.  The air hostesses brought drinks and peanuts but were at a loss to provide any other comfort.  The flight was miserable.  Our Airbus A300 did not handle the turbulence of the thunder storm and China’s central plateau well.  Airbus builds its jets so that flight stress is borne by the fuselage, not the wings.  You could feel every dip and crack during the flight.  It did not help that we flew on an older Airbus.  My son slept during the entire flight, but my poor wife paled and gripped my hand with each turbulent shock.  I’ve flown on China Eastern a few times and was satisfied with the flights.  This one failed miserably.  Because the flight was a domestic route serving Shanghai and Xi’an, it’s likely that the level of customer service was a notch below that of international routes.  While a regional carrier, China Eastern still serves several international locations, including London and Los Angeles.

I might let my experience with China Eastern slide, but I was surprised by the difference between their service to Xi’an and Shanghai Airlines’ return service to Shanghai.  When we flew back to Shanghai on April 23, we flew on a brand new Boeing 737-800.  The air hostesses reminded me of international hostesses.  They served real food, and the flight was smooth as glass and on time.  Our experience on China Eastern Airlines and Shanghai Airlines could not have been more different.  I was more concerned about flying Shanghai Airlines than China Eastern Airlines, but it seems that my concern was misplaced.  If you have plans to fly in China, give Shanghai Airlines a try.

On Thursday we will fly Delta Airlines back to the states.  I hope that our next experience with Delta will be better than our previous one.  One thing is for sure–we will not wait to be the last passengers on the plane.

Straight from the Headlines (2005 Edition)

Al Jazeera in Talks to Purchase ‘The Onion’

Doha, Qatar (RFN) – Arab network seeks to expand U.S. presence by purchasing popular U.S. news source ahead of highly anticipated IPO

Qatar-based Al Jazeera is in negotiations to purchase a majority stake in The Onion, a popular U.S. news source.  Al Jazeera spokesman Jihad Ballout refused to confirm the network’s interest in purchasing the media company, citing regulatory concerns in advance of its upcoming initial public offering.

The company is interested in establishing an international media presence.  It has also been in talks with London-based The Guardian to purchase a minority stake.  The Onion, a weekly news publication read by millions in print and online, is one of the most popular news sources among 18-35 year olds in the U.S.   Sources indicated that two companies are in the advance stage of negotiation, although negotiations in recent days have been delayed by disagreement over whether ‘The Onion’ would keep its name or change it to ‘Al Onion.’

Guantanamo Bay’s Tourism Industry Suffers from Prisoner Abuse Scandal

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (RFN) – Tourism to Guantanamo Bay down 63% in 2004 due to allegations of prison abuse

Officials at Guantanamo Bay confirmed that recent prisoner abuse scandals have significantly depressed tourism in the U.S. enclave.  Tourism had been robust in recent years as hundreds of Americans and other visitors visited the small site in southeast Cuba.  Tourism increased with the launch of Guantanamo Bay’s “See the Other Cuba” marketing campaign in 2003 and the increasing popularity of the site’s “Naval Reservation Boundary” tour.  In 2003 344 tourists visited Guantanamo Bay.  By 2004 tourism dropped to just 217, a decrease of 63%.  Officials believe that tourism may recover to its previous level once the scandals have been resolved.

Korean Star May End Film Career

Seoul (RFN) – Popular Korean film star Bae Yong Jun may end his film career to concentrate on other endeavors

Korean film star Bae Yong Jun, affectionately known as ‘Yonsama’ and ‘BYJ’ to his legions of fans, may be filming his last film.  The star of the popular “Winter Sonata” drama series is currently filming the highly anticipated film, “April Snow.”  When asked by reporters about his future plans, the star responded, “I’m not sure.  I might try telemarketing.  People say I have a great voice for it.”

Fans worldwide were shocked and dismayed by the revelation that Bae might leave acting.  Distraught Yonsama fan, Yuri Kurasawa of Fukuoka said, “I don’t know what I’ll do if Yonsama retires.  They can have Dokto [Islands]—just let us have Yonsama!”

“I love BYJ.  Where will he work?  I want to call him!” asked Kim Haejin of Seoul.

Bae’s “Winter Sonata” series contributed over $1.1 billion in Korean-Japanese trade in 2004 and has become a popular contraband item in North Korea.

‘Star Wars’ Shocker:  Anakin Skywalker’s Father Revealed

Skywalker Ranch (RFN) – The third and final installment in the ‘Star Wars’ saga opening May 19 reveals that Senator Palpatine is Darth Vader’s father

Director George Lucas has been mum on the subject, but unidentified sources close to the filming of “Revenge of the Sith” confirm that the character of Senator Palpatine, also known as Darth Sidious, is Anakin Skywalker’s father by birth.  Skywalker, better known as Darth Vader, has long been associated with immaculate conception by his mother.  Because fans reacted favorably to the revelation that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father in the movie “The Empire Strikes Back,” Lucas decided to use the same strategy in filming his latest installment in the saga.

“We needed to do well with this film because the last two did so poorly.  We believe this will help bring back the magic of the first three films.  George [Lucas] still regrets writing Jar Jar Binks into the script,” the source confirmed.  “If we throw in Chewbacca, Luke and Leia, why not make Palpatine his dad?  We’re still trying to figure out how to write Han Solo as a baby into the script.”

ACLU Seeks an End to April Fool’s Day

Los Angeles (RFN) – The American Civil Liberties Union, citing possible civil rights violations on April Fool’s Day, plan lawsuits to end practical jokes

The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it welcomes anyone who believes they are a potential victim of April Fool’s Day to contact the civil rights organization.  The ACLU will prepare cases for eligible claims in an effort to stamp out the common household and office practice.  If you believe you have wrongly duped by an April Fool’s Day joke and seek redress, contact the ACLU at 968-3665 (YOU-FOOL).

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