Humor – Page 7

Thoughts & Sayings (September 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in August. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

1. In the past, now is the future.

2. I’m not perfect, but I’m perfect for you.

3. It’s better to go off the deep end than the shallow end.

4. Can you hope that there’s hope when there’s no hope?

5. Reach for the sky, because if you shoot for the moon you might see stars.

6. I found myself at the Lost & Found.

Twisted Words

7. How many stories are you?

8. There’s no particular reason for this signal. It’s merely taking up space.

9. A dull scientist can be brilliant.

Holidays & Events

10. August has a dearth of official holidays. Go ahead, pick one from another country and celebrate it.

11. It’s ironic that the movie “Total Recall” forgot to include scenes from the planet Mars.

12. Happy Day 11 of the Olympics, Day 3 of the Curiosity Mars Landing, and 90 Days until the U.S. Election. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Random Musings

13. The squeaky wheel can go find another repair shop.

14. Instead of multilevel marketing, can’t I just stay on the same level?

15. Please don’t forget who I am. Someday I may need to ask you to remind me.

16. Someone told me that I’m such a tweet. I’m not quite sure how to take that.

17. A picture is worth 1,000 words, but it only takes one word to describe a picture.

Images courtesy of Microsoft.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts & Sayings.

Thoughts & Sayings (August 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in July. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

I’ve worked out the perfect system for getting everything done. Unfortunately, it’s prone to break down when a wrench gets thrown into it.
Destiny is 1/4 chance and 3/4 preparation.
Is it just me, or am I still who I am?
Whoever put the cat in the bag really should let it out.
If you are trapped in convention, you will always be conventional.
Did you miss me? I didn’t. I’ve been with me the whole time.

Twisted Words

If you’re bored, what wood you do?
It is better to be pronounced than verbose.
Speaking of witch, a which can’t spell.
When people ask me my sign, I usually answer, “Stop.”
I do things by the seat of my pants. Sometimes I wish my jeans would quit taking so many risks.
A police chef is the officer in charge of preparing the food.

Holidays & Events

Perhaps the mascot of this year’s Summer Olympics in London should be “Sunshine.”
Happy July 4th + 10! Thank goodness I enjoy the freedom to wish you a belated happy American Independence Day on Bastille Day.
Gotham, Wisconsin looks nothing like it’s portrayed in the “Batman” movies.
Word has it that the sequel to Pixar’s animated film “Brave” will be called “Even Braver.”
Rumor has it that in the sequel to “The Amazing Spider-Man,” Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire will duke it out over whose girlfriend, Gwen Stacy or Mary Jane Watson, is more awesome.

Random Musings

Every place in the world looks like someplace else.
Spotted at the Customer Service counter of a major retailer: “Many happy returns.”
I’ve thought about being a stand-up comedian, but I prefer to sit down.
Why do subtitles say “English for the Hearing Impaired” when every other language is listed by name only?
One literary benefit of Twitter is that it teaches one to be succinct.
I can get 50,000 Twitter followers in 2 minutes! Ask me how, but please don’t expect an answer.
Follow me and get 5,000 Twitter followers instantly! Never mind that I only have 3,000. You can borrow some if you’d like.
Prolific tweeter seeks tweeters for long-term follow on Twitter. Must tweet good content. If interested, press the “Follow” button.

In Its Own Write

26. I probably should write something now. “Something.” There, that should do it.

Images courtesy of Microsoft and Twitter.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

M.G. Edwards is a writer of books and stories in the mystery, thriller and science fiction-fantasy genres. He also writes travel adventures. He is author of Kilimanjaro: One Man’s Quest to Go Over the Hill, a non-fiction account of his attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, Africa’s highest mountain and a collection of short stories called Real Dreams: Thirty Years of Short Stories. His books are available as an e-book and in print on Amazon.com and other booksellers. He lives in Bangkok, Thailand with his wife Jing and son Alex.

For more books or stories by M.G. Edwards, visit his web site at www.mgedwards.com or his blog, World Adventurers. Contact him at me@mgedwards.com, on Facebook, on Google+, or @m_g_edwards on Twitter.

Thoughts & Sayings (June 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in May. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

1. Traveling is always one trip forward and two setbacks.

2. Behind every good gadget is a processor.

3. When mining for knowledge, it’s important to filter the gems from the slag.

4. The distance between ahead and behind is half a body’s length.

5. Think twice about bullying someone. They may be your future boss.

6. My weight has held me captive for so long that I feel like going on a hunger strike.

7. Is it better to be sharp, well-rounded, or a square?

Twisted Words

8. Transfarmers: Robots that turn into domesticated animals and agricultural equipment.

9. You can cross your eyes, but can you dot your T’s?

10. Sometimes I crack myself up. I really have to stop egging myself on.

11. I’m a fruit, and you’re nuts. Let’s make trail mix.

In Its Own Write

12. When you’re a writer, the work never stops. You have to decide when to stop working.

13. Make every word count. Enroll them in a math course.

Holidays & Events

14. April showers May bring flowers.

15. Overheard on the radio: “May Day! May Day! We’re going down…to occupy the park!”

16. This Cinco de Mayo, try not to eat at a French restaurant.

17. A haiku. Mother, mom, and friend. Today honors you all year. No one else but you.

18. Beware, beware, the Ides of May! Oh, wait. Never mind. Caesar has passed.

19. Perhaps the movie “Men In Black 3” starring Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin should been have called “No Country for Old Men in Black.”

20. “Snow White and the Huntsman”: Bella Swan and Thor team up to fight the evil Meredith Vickers on the Prometheus.

Random Musings

21. I’m trying to see what’s happening on the other side of the world, but the horizon is blocking the view.

22. It’s bad luck to throw salt into your coffee.

23. Today I made coffee with sugar instead of salt. It’s going to be a better day. I can feel it. Less bloating.

24. How in the world do I feel tired when you’re just getting started? I must have my days and nights turned around.

25. Get 10,000 Twitter followers in minutes! Be a celebrity. Double it! Tweet crazy stuff too. Triple it! Get in trouble for tweeting crazy stuff.

26. In our 140-character world, wouldn’t it be easier to greet people with acronyms instead of salutations? GM. HRU2day? HAGD.

27. A few years ago I received e-mails from friends. Now my inbox is filled with messages from my pals Facebook and Twitter.

28. My son is a really good back-seat driver. It’s too bad that he doesn’t know how to drive.

M.G. Edwards is a writer of books and stories in the mystery, thriller and science fiction-fantasy genres. He also writes travel adventures. He is author of Kilimanjaro: One Man’s Quest to Go Over the Hill, a non-fiction account of his attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, Africa’s highest mountain. His collection of short stories called Real Dreams: Thirty Years of Short Stories available as an e-book and in print on Amazon.com. He lives in Bangkok, Thailand with his wife Jing and son Alex.