Humor

This is what makes America great!

I know I’m probably the last tech wonk to stumble across this Internet phenomenon, but I think it’s absolutely hilarious!  The saga of Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager, is zany, brainy, and very entertaining.  I read that it is now one of the most popular indy short films available online and a YouTube staple, eclipsing illegal Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report clips in popularity.  In this fabulous dramatization, Chad Vader, Darth Vader’s younger brother, works at as a shift manager at an American supermarket.  The fourth installment was released in October, and the fifth installment is now being filmed.  The clips chronicle his struggle to win the respect of his employees through mind control, his seduction and subsequent dumping by fair Clarissa, no Princess Leia she, his fall from day shift manager to night shift manager, and lightsaber duels in the bread aisle.
 
Why does the saga of Chad Vader make America great?  Isn’t it just a silly series of short clips by a couple of unkempt dudes from Madison, Wisconsin, who are hankering for attention and Internet fame?  No, and here’s why.  "Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager" is a intelligent analysis of stereotypical American culture using an well-known icon from one of American’s great film sagas.  It is designed by a bunch of Americans, filmed in an average American supermarket and posted to the Internet, which was developed by the U.S. Government, using equipment either invented by Americans (the computer, the router, the movie camera) and/or built by American companies (Apple, HP, Microsoft, Cisco, Intel), watched largely by Americans on American web sites such as YouTube.  End to end, these short clips are at least 99.9999% American, from thought to execution. 
 
Sure, there are other influences at work, presumably the Greek tragedy or Japanese-made film equipment, but this work is an ideal example of Americana.  If you think the saga of Chad Vader is silly, then you might also be tempted to assume that America is somehow lacking if Chad Vader represents the pinnacle of all that is American.  I contend that it shows that America encompasses the big, bold, simplistic, and kitschy, yet at the same time, is deep and empowered, enabling anyone to excel.  I’m looking forward to watching the next installment of Chad Vader’s saga and dwelling on what makes America great.

I have nothing to write about

I don’t have much time to write tonight, so…
 
  • The blog entry about Wolchulsan will have to wait a bit longer.
  • The responses to blog comments I was supposed to write will get pushed back again.
  • The entry I’d planned to write about Jeju will remain unwritten.
  • The entry on Seodaemun Prison will stay in my mind for another day.

I’m tired after a long day at work today, so not much is popping in my mind right now except nothing in particular. 

Maybe I should write about things other bloggers blog about.

Hmm, let’s see…

How about plagiarizing song lyrics and applying it to my life?

I’m talking with the man in the mirror (ooo),

I’m asking him to change his ways (ooo),

And no message could’ve been any clearer,

If you wanna make the world a better place,

Take a look at yourself and make a change!

Um, why can’t I get the image of Michael Jackson and little children out of my head?  How’s Bahrain, dude?  Korea’s good.  How’s Bubbles?  Our pet outdoor golden orb weaver spider, Charlotte, just crawled away and died, three days short of making it to December.  I’m so sad.  She was a good pet, just like Bubbles.
 
I could always gossip online about myself, friend, or family.  I did see two people I know well together tonight about 10 p.m.  I think they’re dating, but they act like friends.  I saw him drop her off tonight.  I wondered if they kissed…  Yeah, but I can’t tell you who!  I know you’re dying to know, but I can’t.  Believe me, it’s juicy, though!
 
Maybe I can blog about some big, lofty goal I have set and am striving to achieve.  So I begged my wife to get me a pedometer watch to measure my movements and inspire me to move and burn calories, hoping it will help me achieve a svelte figure.  She gave me one for my birthday.  My goal is to burn 2,000 calories per day through pedometric exertion!  I’ve reached as many as 1,850 calories in one day.  Yeah, but just 1,152 today, as is more common with me.  Drats.  Why can’t desk work be more aerobic?  Sometime I really wished I were on some highway construction crew doing manual labor for a change.
 
Let me ooze about my favorite hotties.  None to speak of on the silver screen, except for those cinematic moments that make your jaw drop.  Ingrid Bergman in the "Bells of St. Mary." Donna Reed in "It’s a Wonderful Life." Cameron Diaz dancing in the mask.  Katherine Zeta-Jones in "The Mask of Zorro," before the world found out she’s actually Welsh, not Hispanic.  Liv Tyler with elven ears in "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy.  Elven ears and blue robes are stunning.  Can’t forget my crush on Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman," until I learned she used a body double.  Well, in my humble opinion, none can top Bambi Francisco.  Bambi still rocks.
 
Let’s discuss some intellectual, technical topic designed for three people to enjoy.  The dysentirious curvature of the Gobstopper Theorem juxtaposed twixt the lower arc of the radiospectral anarchic random theory of total chaos leads one to surmise that this theoretician could be quite possibly the sole figure with an inate interest in the subject at hand, with exception to those who also find such mundane hypotheses ambiguously intriguing.
 
Then there’s always conspiracy theories.  Tom Cruise may have very well broken up with Penelope Cruz after discovering in the Scientology family tree archives that they are in fact related and that her surname is a latinized version of his.  Plus, he couldn’t bear marrying another foreign-born actress after his failed marriage to Australian Nicole Kidman.  Either that, or [put politician’s or political group’s or renegade country’s name here] is the real cause of the break up through covert special operations.
 
So there you have it.  My 15-minute rendition of what other bloggers blog about.  Now that was fun.